When “be yourself” is the best advice … but you need a little more.
Are you wondering about the best ways to make a man fall in love with you? Aren’t we all?!
Love makes the world go round and everybody (and I mean everybody) wants to be in love.
Unfortunately, falling in love, and having that same someone fall in love with you, isn’t easy.
But it is possible! Let me help. Here are 5 ways on how to get a guy to like you and fall in love with you:
1. Be yourself.
I know. Everyone always tells you how important it is to be yourself in any relationship. That’s because it is!
If you want a man to fall in love with you, you have to be you! You can’t try to be someone who he wants you to be or someone who you read about in a magazine.
Even the best actor isn’t truly authentic in their role and if you try to act like you are someone else, your guy will see through it and back away.
And, if he does become attached to the fake you, when he meets the real you, which he will, he will be gone in a flash. And then you will be left alone with the pretend you. Not so fun, eh.
So be you. If your guy can’t fall in love with the real you, then you don’t want him to love you at all. If he can’t see how awesome the real you is, then forget him and find someone who can.
2. Be mysterious.
In this era of public sharing of every intimate detail of our lives, it is hard to be mysterious in this world. But it is important to do so when you are out in the dating world.
I am a sharer. I am happy to talk about just about anything with anyone I meet. People at the dog park, at the grocery store or on the subway. I am happy to share intimate details about myself because I like hearing intimate details about other people as well.
Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that lots of sharing do not work so well in the dating world. The last thing that you want to do on a first date is to share every little detail about yourself.
Yes, your parents are divorced, you fight a lot with your sister, you have had sex with more than a dozen guys, and you are prone to bouts of sadness when the seasons change.
And, while all of those things are real and true, and should definitely be divulged in time, in the beginning, be yourself but also share information carefully.
Guys are different from girls and can get scared away by too much sharing. And, while you want a guy who can share, many guys need to get to know their girl well before they are comfortable with that sharing. So don’t put them off by sharing too much too soon.
Also, as I said before, guys are hunters and like to stalk their prey. And if he has to ask you questions about yourself to learn more, he will definitely be intrigued.
3. Be thoughtful about when you have sex for the first time.
Yes. I am sorry. But this is so important. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR GUY RIGHT AWAY.
In this present day, 2018, I know that hooking up is part of the culture. Men and women are equals and we, women should be able to have sex whenever and with whomever we want.
And this is true but, if you want your guy to fall in love with you, waiting is a good idea.
Why? Two reasons.
The first is that, for women, having sex changes everything. Yes, we want to say that we can just hook up and not get attached but the reality is is that women become more attached after sex then men do.
There is actually evidence that women can get addicted to a man’s smell after just one sexual encounter, an addiction that makes them crave more.
The second reason is that men are hunters and what men are prone to hunt for most consistently is sex. When they catch their prey they are more likely than not to go in search of the next conquest.
So, if a man isn’t easily able to catch what he wants, he will be forced to keep working to get it. And the longer he has to work to catch you, the more opportunities will arise for him to get to know you and become attached to you.
So don’t let just anyone have you because you are awesome and, to win you, someone should have to work hard.
4. Be self-confident.
There is nothing more attractive to a man than a girl with self-confidence. And there is no-one more able to handle a man than a self-confident girl.
Unfortunately, many of us become insecure wrecks around the men that we are interested in. The opposite sex is such a mystery. We get how our friends’ brains work but can we remotely understand what motivates guys (other than sex)? No. This makes us feel clingy and insecure when we are with them.
And there is nothing more unattractive to a guy than a woman who is insecure and clingy. In fact, if you want to scare your guy away, a little clinginess will be just the thing to do it!
So nip that feeling in the bud. You are an amazing, independent woman of the 2010s. You can take on anything that you have set your mind to and make it happen. Go about your life, be with your friends, work hard, do the things that you love. Be a person in the world who can succeed without a man.
Because you can. And he needs to see that. And when he does watch out! He will be yours before you know it!
5. Be a girl.
I know. We are women of the 2010s. We shouldn’t have to be girly to attract a man. They should love us for the strong females that we are.
And, yes, this is true. A self-confident, mysterious hard-to-catch female is definitely attractive to men and worth pursuing.
But, men still really love girls who can be girls. A man wants a girl who he can make laugh. A girl who needs him. A girl who is willing to receive his gifts and his love. A girl who has an “on” button that he can find.
Yes, in this modern world, men and women are equal. But men will always be men and girls will always be girls and their attraction to each other is, in many ways, the way it has always been. Visceral. A man likes to take care of a woman and a woman wants to be taken care of.
So be yourself but be a girl too. He will love you for it!
Let me tell you a true love story.
Last year, I met a guy who was a friend of a friend. We were both working our way out of relationships and we struck up a friendship. We spent three months supporting each other and getting to know each other, getting to know each other without any romantic intentions.
Probably because I didn’t think there was any chance of romance, I was naturally completely myself with him. I wasn’t trying to impress him or draw him in — we were just friends.
I shared things about myself, but not too much. I definitely didn’t have sex with him. I was building my business and shared all the hard work that I was doing and he was very impressed with the woman who I was in the world.
And when we were together, I was happy to let him walk me to my car when we were out late one night and carry my heavy grocery bags on a rainy day.
It started to dawn on me that I was getting feelings for this guy and one day, out of nowhere, I told him. He smiled and admitted that the same had happened to him. That night he kissed me and our feelings grew exponentially after that.
Yes, he is in love with me. And I with him. And it’s like nothing I have ever known before. A love built on mutual respect and friendship and truth. Not sex and falsehoods and good intentions.
Listen to my love story and make your own happen. Be who you are in the world, don’t give too much of yourself too quickly, be thoughtful about when you have sex, be self-confident and be your girlish self.
If you do, the man you want, or maybe even the guy you didn’t know you wanted, will want you back.
Mitzi Bockmann is a New York City-based Certified Life Coach. Contact her for help.
This post first appeared at Your Tango