By Kirsten Corley
You keep giving people chances because I know what it’s like to want to be right about someone. And you hope and pray that just maybe this time it’ll be different.
You try not to get your hopes up because you know what it’s like to feel let down. Yet, you still hold onto faith that maybe this time it won’t happen that way.
Cancelled plans don’t faze you even though you’re the same person who wouldn’t flake out. You tell someone you’re going to be there and you come early and wait.
It seems like you’re always the one waiting. Wishing. Hoping. Wanting. Loving hard because you don’t know how to do anything else.
And you give everything you have in you to people who haven’t yet proved they deserved it because you don’t think love is something someone has to earn. Yet it feels like you’re jumping through hoops of fire trying to get something you give so freely.
You value love more than anyone because you know what it’s like to get it right.
So you keep trying. Thinking maybe this will be the moment and the person that’s different.
But sometimes it feels like you lose yourself loving people the way you do.
It feels like this thing you want so badly is out of reach.
They tell you to love yourself first before you can love someone else and it isn’t that you don’t love who you are but there at times you question it. Question why you feel things so deeply. And hurt as hard as you do.
There are times you wonder why it’s so easy for everyone else and you seem to struggle with these relationships that have dead ends and question marks.
It seems like you’re the one who is always sure and it’s everyone else who isn’t.
Relationships aren’t supposed to be complicated and you fall so easily into people who lead you on because they could potentially play the part. But when push comes to shove you find yourself hearing another excuse for why this can’t be what you want it to be.
Your ears have grown mute to everything they say because all it is are lies.
Your heart grows heavy because you don’t know how much longer you can keep giving and not getting something in return.
Your eyes are tired. Tired of looking at everyone and feeling like there is something wrong with you or there is something missing within you.
And you keep playing this role of what someone needs and no one has taken the time to even care about what you need. Nor do they want to step up to the plate and be that person for you.
But you keep trying.
You keep taking chances on people.
And you keep getting hurt.
But I promise you that’s going to change. Because the person who can overcome disappointment and heartbreak and still hold onto faith is the person who gets not only a good relationship but the best one there is.
And just because it’s taking you a bit longer to find that, it doesn’t mean it won’t happen for you.