Make this the year of giving what you deserve.
— Every year, a few days before Christmas, you may be like me, standing in the stores scratching your head about what to get your loved ones.
While it really helps to keep a note on what you partner would like throughout the year, the greatest gift we can give anyone in our lives is to simply be present.
But what does that mean?
1. Being present begins with actually being there. If your partner let’s you know you’re spending too much time away from home or in your man-cave, it’s time to rethink how you approach quality time within the relationship. Block out time to connect and verbalise that you are available for whatever she needs. As a bonus for you both, you might be surprised how quickly your deepened connection escalates to sexy times, if she knows you’re consciously gifting your time and presence to her.
2. Being present means pausing what we’re doing we’re when needed. If our partner wants our attention while we’re busy on another task, it can be hard to shift focus. I’ve actually stopped typing and given presence to my beloved a number of times while writing this article. That’s just part of being present. What’s more important, the woman you’ve given your ongoing commitment to, or a task you’ll likely forget you even did six months from now?
3. Being present means focusing your thoughts on what’s happening now. While engaging in conversation it can be easy to have our thoughts float away from the present moment. Daily to-dos, reflections on ourselves, planning what we’ll say in response, and judgement on what our partner is saying clutter our minds far too often. A great way to focus back on your partner is to breathe deeply and feel into how the breath travels from your nose into the bottom of your stomach and finally, your lungs. Also try dancing in the conversation rather than problem solving immediately, giving her solutions, or forcing outcome through conversation. In my experience, women just want to be heard, being allowed to speak freely and experience their partner being curious about their world and their experience of life.
4. Being present means maintaining eye contact. Keeping eye contact establishes a powerful connection and also keeps you present. Play with softening and sharpening your gaze which will help you in many ways for when you’re ready for advanced presence concepts I’ll share in another post.
5. Being present means staying open in heart and mind. Being open is quite a skill. We typically spend so much time coming to firm conclusions and defending our position that it prevents us from giving quality presence. Try on their point of view and practice empathy, who knows you might discover something groundbreaking for your everyday experience.
Do note that some people who aren’t fully aware of their deep want for this may find it strange at first. It will help to let them you’re doing this to deepen your connection with each other so you can best prepare them to support your efforts.
Presence is a hard thing to put tangible value on, but give it a chance and life shall become a lot more enjoyable for you both.
Good Men Project