By Kirsten Corley
At first it’s going to be uncomfortable especially when you’ve never made yourself a priority before. When you are the type of person who puts everyone else’s needs before your own. When happiness is defined by what you do for others and you’ve done it so long you forget to do things for yourself.
It’s realizing maybe the reason you aren’t where you want to be or feel the way you do is because you haven’t taken the steps to get there yourself when you’re constantly focusing on other things and people.
It’s looking yourself in the mirror and accepting the fact you made these choices and you can’t blame anyone if you aren’t happy or fulfilled.
It’s looking at your life and instead of pointing blame it’s finally taking responsibility.
It’s feeling a little confused because once you realize making other people happy hasn’t made you happy, you have to figure out what does and you might not even know that answer.
It’s sitting down and trying to figure out what you want while trying to evaluate and eliminate the things you don’t want.
It’s removing certain people from your life because you have to for your own wellbeing even if you love them and care about them and can’t imagine your life without them, sometimes distance and space is better.
It’s stopping instead of running from your problems because you know you can’t escape the things you are denying to be the truth and you can distract yourself from what the problem is. But you are at a point where you want to find a solution.
It’s doing something you don’t want to because that choice is going to put you on a track you’re proud of not one you’re settling for.
It’s asking yourself am I doing this because I want to? Or am I doing this because I feel I have to and I don’t want to let other people down?
It’s not feeling guilty to admit you need a break or you’re tired and just need to relax for once.
It’s staying in on a Friday because you look at your bank account and you don’t even know what you spent stuff on but you know, you should have been more responsible.
It’s waking up early and not pushing snooze on your alarm 100 times because going to the gym, getting that run in, doing yoga is good for your mental health and well being. And even though you don’t want to do it, in that moment you know you have to.
It’s finally wanting to take full responsibility for how you feel about yourself and not allowing others to define your self worth.
It’s ending those relationships that linger and have loose ends because you can’t keep giving chances to people who don’t deserve it.
It’s not answering when someone from the past comes back because don’t care about what they say because they shouldn’t have left in the first place.
It’s not always being the one to make plans with everyone and go all the way to them every time. It’s realizing people should be putting as much effort into you as you have them instead of taking the relationship for granted.
It’s checking in the people who check in on you because those are the people who matter.
It’s putting your phone down when you want to text someone because you are realizing the phone works both ways and the only person you should be interested in isn’t one who makes you question your self worth or question a simple text.
It’s holding back on dating because if you don’t know who you are and what you want you won’t know what to ask other people for.
It’s figuring out what you want and not being ashamed of it or feeling guilty for wanting something more than just a hookup.
It’s letting that really attractive person go even though you’re interested because you know you can’t turn them into the person you want them to be and you aren’t going to waste your effort.
It’s allowing yourself to breakdown and cry and fall completely apart because it’s okay to not have the answers. It’s okay to be unsure. It’s okay to be hurting and not know how to fix it.
Feeling through these emotions you might have repressed and it finally coming out isn’t a bad thing and it doesn’t make you weak.
Sometimes it takes strength to get to that place emotionally and feel through all the ugliness so it’s out of your system.
It’s realizing the life you are leading at this moment isn’t the one that’s making you happy so something has to change.
It’s taking a step towards a completely different lifestyle that you or others are used to. Even though there are going to be questions of why you are doing this and people who will doubt you and disapprove, you know you’re doing it for you. It’s not longer feeling guilty for disappointing people for living the life you want as oppose to the one they expect.
It’s realizing when you make certain changes in your life you’re going to lose people who are going to want you to go back to what you were doing and the person you were because it didn’t fit the mold of what they needed and wanted. But the real relationships in your life will support you.
It’s not selfish to want to be happy and want to have a life you’re really excited about. It’s essential.
It’s learning how to let something or someone go because you’ve outgrown it and even though good memories resided there you can’t keep looking back.
It’s evaluating your life and your choices and calling it exactly what it is. Your mistakes. Your failures. The things you did your ashamed of and instead of throwing a pity party, you learn. You grow. You forgive yourself because as much as other people deserve forgiveness you do too.
It isn’t selfish to forgive yourself for your mistakes.
It’s realizing you can’t force things. Whether that’s relationships or a lifestyle.
It’s giving everything your best effort but accepting that some things aren’t meant to be even if you want them to be.
Then once you realize this isn’t where I’m supposed to be, you find the courage to change it because people aren’t meant to stay in the same place doing the same thing. Especially if it’s not making them happy.
When a plant doesn’t thrive and grow the way it’s supposed to, you don’t blame the plant you simply change the environment to one it will do well in. That’s how you should approach everything in your life.
It’s taking a step back and looking at the life you are projecting out to the world across social media and asking yourself is any of this real? It’s pulling back if that answer is no and trying to create a life you don’t need to fake.
It’s not selfish to make yourself a priority and when you start to you’ll wish you did it sooner.
And it isn’t wrong to want to be happy.
It’s saying no for the first time in your life and not explaining why.