5 BIG Signs That Your Relationship Is Being Driven By Pain, Not Love

Love hurts, but it shouldn’t hurt this much.

By Lorna Poole

The chances are, if you are dating a bad boy, you are to some degree in pain. What is pain in a relationship?
Pain in a relationship is when you are suffering from some form of emotional or physical stress over a sustained period of time. Some of us are so familiar with being miserable within a relationship that we are unaware we are in pain.

Let me share with some of the warning signs that you might be experiencing pain in your relationship.

1. You make all the effort

You are the one putting the majority of effort into the relationship and when you ask him to get involved more you continually get ignored or overlooked. Often he says that you are too needy and you need to chill out.

2. Something is not adding up

He tells you he loves you all the time, but he does not seem genuine or believable.
Your head feels like it is going to explode trying to analyze his words and your gut is in a complete knot. You do not trust his words, something is not adding up and your body is begging you to listen.

3. His words and actions do not match

He is promising you one thing and is doing another. He says “I love our time together, you’re gorgeous” and “Beautiful, let’s catch up I will give you a call Friday.”
Yet, there is no call and no date as he promised; instead, he calls you four days later. You forgive him and act as if it never bothered you. You hold on to the belief that his behavior will change, meanwhile, you are screaming inside, “What is going on?”

4. He keeps secrets

He never informs you where he going or what he is doing. He tells you that you don’t need to know about everything in his life and that you should trust him more.
Meanwhile, he is out living his life with his friends and you are sitting at home pining for the next text or when he decides, “If he feels like it” when the next date is.

Why all the secrets? What is he hiding? In a healthy relationship, boundaries are respected and you must respect his personal space but there is consistency and trust. No secrets, no second guessing.

5. He’s never there for you when you really need him

You have crashed your car, you are upset and scared. You have had a horrific day and you are all upset. You give your new man a call and only get his voicemail.
When you’re together he compliments you, he talks about your future together and he makes you feel like a million dollars. However, he is never there for you when you really need him.

Embarking On The Journey To A Loving Relationship

Life is simple and we make it so complicated but we can indeed go from pain to gain. We can indeed have the most loving, supportive relationship that fills our heart with joy and our head with confidence.

“How?” you might ask. It’s easy, make a decision today, choose to change your life,

choose to love differently, and it always starts with you.
What are you holding onto what is your story and belief about men and relationships? Who in your family, perhaps your mother or your father are you placing blame for your failed love life?

Yes, it is true they might have done wrong but that is their story and does not need to be a part of you. We have all had bad things happen to us and I mean everyone, let it go. Stop giving it energy, the more energy you give to a past event the more you create more of the same situation.

You are a repelling love magnet, you must become what you want to attract? What do you want? That is who you must be, be love, be joy and be all the good life can bring you and let’s kick that bad boy goodbye forever. Now come on what is stopping you?

(Previously published at

Written by Abel Udoekene

Abel Udoekene jnr is a fisherman by day, a blogger by night, a Social Media strategist, Writer, Children Ambassador, COO at Inspiration Africa.

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