Love Is Not Cruel, We are

By Your Tango

We need to be responsible for our actions.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love doesn’t freak out when your ex-boyfriend comments on your selfie. Love is not that unreasonable — insecurity is.

And yet somewhere along our own romantic journeys, we’ve confused the two. We define love in ways that confuse us. We blame love for our heartaches and our pain. We close ourselves off from any possibility of relationship out of fear. We live with the mindset that everyone will hurt us — and then wonder why we always get hurt.

We are our own worst enemies. We are the ones who break our own hearts with how we define love.

We do so by ignoring red flags and getting into
relationships with people we knew deep down weren’t good for us. We do so by sabotaging relationships with people who do care about us in a sad attempt to hurt them first. We do so by placing the blame anywhere but where it really belongs: with us.

Yes, people will break your heart and the journey to find love is one in which you will return with many bruises. But if we start to take more responsibility for ourselves and our love lives, we’d realize we have more control than we think.

We can’t choose who we’re attracted to or who we develop feelings for, but we can choose who the type of person worthy of
commitment. We can choose to pick up the phone or go out on a date or ignore all of our instincts to run.

We can choose to either forgo our standards or hold them high. We can choose to keep loving ourselves first or forget our needs completely.

Love itself isn’t cruel; we’ve just been confusing it with our own insecurities and fears. We’ve lost trust that things will work out and get better. We refuse to see the good in all of it and the lessons we’ve learned.
If we can just change our mindset, we’d see love isn’t the problem; we are.

Originally Published on Your Tango

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Written by Abel Udoekene

Abel Udoekene jnr is a fisherman by day, a blogger by night, a Social Media strategist, Writer, Children Ambassador, COO at Inspiration Africa.


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