Communication Is Important — But THIS Is What ACTUALLY Makes Love Last – Jeff Forte

Talk is cheap.

Married couples all want the same things.
To be happy, feel deeply connected, share in love and trust, and have great communication.
And while it may seem like a lot, it all boils down to one thing: a happy, loving successful marriage.

So why, if all couples want their marriage to work, are there over 2 million divorces each year in the US?
The problem is that these couples keep making unintentional mistakes with each other.
People don’t know what to do to keep their relationships alive for a lifetime.

Ready for the truth?
If your marriage isn’t happy…

1. You either want to solve the real problem, or keep the problem going by not addressing it.

2. You don’t know what the real problem is, so you can’t address it. That keeps the problem going, too.
For example:
Most people think the biggest challenge in the marriage is communication. So they work on learning how to communicate better.
That’s helpful.
Unfortunately because communication isn’t the real problem, the real issue remains unresolved and often gets worse. This leads to even more conflicts within the couple.
Communication conflicts are just symptoms of a disconnected relationship.

Here’s the real issue:

The #1 cause of divorce and separation is lack of connection.

When couples feel disconnected from each other, communication struggles, conflicts increase, intimacy fades, and the couple tends to walk on egg shells around each other feeling separate.
Maybe you even love your partner but are no longer “ in love” with them.
Unfortunately, you can’t communicate your way back to being in love with your partner.

Talk is cheap. Behaviors have to change in order for a couple to feel more connected with each other.
Connection is like the glue that holds the relationship together.
When you feel deeply connected with your partner, anything is solvable.

Here are 5 ways to help you restore connection, for when communication just isn’t enough:

1. Stop trying to fix any problems in your relationship. Leave them alone for now.

2. Work on restoring the feeling of connection with your partner by doing things that create connection. Be present for them. Give your partner your full attention. Be light, fun, playful, and happy when you’re around them to the best of your ability.

3. Be affectionate, kind, and generous with meeting their needs. Be willing to give first. This is much easier to do when you aren’t focused on problems in the marriage.

4. Find ways to value your partner and show them your appreciation often.

5. Be the person you were in the most deeply connected phase of the marriage.
How were you behaving when the sexual chemistry was highest? Were you present with strength? Were you decisive, and pursuing, or were you heart-felt soft, open, and inviting?

Be that version of you that attracted your partner with such success.
As you know, feeling deeply connected as a couple is a very beautiful thing. That’s worth working on and sustaining.
But it will not happen just by talking about it.

Read The 90 Minutes Marriage Miracle , it will give you even more ways to deepen the connection in your marriage.

Originally Published on Your Tango

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