By Steve Horsmon
You know what really ticks off some women? It’s reading an article like this from some dude generalizing about what he THINKS women really want.
They will say (have said), “Holy crap, dude! Are you forgetting that women have brains and mouths and can actually COMMUNICATE with their WORDS?! Why don’t you just ASK them what they want instead of generalizing?! We’re all individuals and you can’t just put us all in a box.”
Valid point, right? Guess what?
I have asked this question from many women. Specifically, what do women MOST like in a man?
And it’s true, there are MANY different versions of what women want in a man. They get really detailed too!
They will talk about that warm, safe feeling they get with a confident guy who sees her, hears her, and RESPECTS her as a strong, feminine woman.
They talk about the CONNECTION they feel with an emotionally available guy who is able to be vulnerable and share his secret thoughts and desires.
They talk about the tingles they get from the strong, silent type of guy when he gently places his manly hand on her lower back as she passes through a door.
If I have heard these things from 90 out of 100 adult, heterosexual, married or divorced women, I’m going to say “MOST WOMEN LIKE THIS.”
And I would be accused of making a generalization. What can I say? Some generalizations actually have a mathematical origin.
Generalizations help people understand basic concepts. Dogs really like their belly rubbed. Horses can be skittish. Two year old kids can be brats. All important insights, I think.
I know. I haven’t told you the TWO THINGS yet. I’m working up to that. Patience, please.
Another Generalization – Some Guys Try Way Too Hard to Please Women
Do I need to defend this one? I think not.
I’ve been the valedictorian for this class of guy. My hard fought graduation and recovery has led me to working with others like me. Lots of them.
We’re a tough bunch for women to deal with.
A good friend of mine, Grace, is a counselor and leader of women’s workshops. She also works with men and “nailed it” when she described how most of these men express their problems.
Grace says, “The men with partners want to know how to be “the man” in relationship to their woman – but they don’t ask it that way. They just say they don’t know how to please their woman. ‘She is driving me crazy, and I’m doing everything I know how to do to make her happy and she still isn’t happy.’ Or they get really emotional and even depressed with, ‘I’m failing her, and I don’t know what to do. I’m overwhelmed.’ “
Been there. You?
The TWO THINGS Women Really Want From These Men
These TWO THINGS are incredibly important to a man’s overall attractiveness to women.
They are more difficult than being a good listener, emotionally available, or chivalrous.
These TWO THINGS are also much harder for a woman to openly, and honestly verbalize to the man in her life. If she says them wrong, she can hurt him. If she isn’t clear, he might be insulted.
If she tells him these TWO THINGS, she is also exposing her OWN weakness. Showing her vulnerability is scary stuff.
Grace explained that most women feel most comfortable, most safe, and most ATTRACTED to you when:
You forget about trying to make her happy and just become more yourself and start living to please yourself.
You know how to handle yourself when she reacts to you doing this.
She can feel more comfortable when she sees you behaving in your masculine energy in ways that pursue YOUR pleasures and YOUR purpose.
She can feel more emotionally safe when you confidently and lovingly stand up to her attempts to challenge you or make you feel guilty about doing the above.
I know. It’s mind boggling. She can’t always help it. She surely won’t admit it.
YOU are most attractive when you become your authentic self, pursue your true passion, and handle her objections with masculine strength, support, and love for her.
A man who believes and behaves like his happiness and purpose is directly tied to hers will lose his attractiveness slowly and surely.
This is Not a Game – Really
It’s not a game, but it is filled with a few hurdles. And you need to know how to navigate those.
Does this confuse you? Make you angry? Why must she play these games?
I know. I used to have the exact same reactions until I realized one thing.
The two-by-four that hit me in head was this question:
Why are HER hopes and expectations for my life HIGHER THAN MINE?
I found the answer for me.
And I will help you find you the answer for you. You will be fine. You are good enough and strong enough to do this – for YOU.
It will change the way you see just about everything.
Then everything else will seem to change around YOU. This is absolutely true!
About The Author
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on local television, blog radio, telesummits, and podcasts all related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men. He provides 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want.
Please click here to read more advice on love and relationship.
This post originally appeared on Goodguys2greatmen