Whether or not you feel self-conscious about your ability to pleasure your partner, it’s important to keep the lines of communication open. “Partners need to communicate about many aspects of their sexual relationship,” says Dr. Leora Manischewitz, a clinical psychologist and licensed sex therapist in New York City. “Pleasuring each other is not a given, rather something that two people teach each other.
A woman may need a specific means of stimulation to achieve orgasm and a man may need a specific way of being stroked in order to achieve an erection. In the same way, the size of a man’s penis may be a topic for conversation. Lovers who respect each other will talk about this with openness and acceptance. They will discuss ways to work around it and work together to find positions that enhance pleasure for each partner.”
Try rear entry
Once you’ve discussed any concerns with your partner, it’s time for the fun part: experimenting and finding what works best for you! One position that experts agree is sure to take both you and your lady on a wild ride: doggy style.
“There are certain positions that enhance friction and sensations. For example, ‘doggy style’ with the man in the back and the woman on her knees in front of him, usually offers the woman intense sensation during penetration, especially if she squeezes her thighs together,” says Manischewitz.
Fleming agrees that having the woman squeeze her legs together can make sex feel more pleasurable for both partners, adding “Rear entry is a good position for men who are smaller in size because it can allow him to reach her G-spot, which is about 3-inches inside the anterior vaginal wall.”
For a man with a small penis, sex is all about finding the best angles, Fleming tells us. “Definitely use your environment, furniture, and other props to find the best angles and depth of penetration for you and your partner. While doing standing doggy style, for example, try putting your hands on a chair,” says Fleming.
Putting pillows under her hips when she’s on the bottom can also help you get deeper, creating the “full” feeling many women like, says sex coach and certified sexuality educator, Amy Levine.
“That said, women primarily climax from clitoral touch. Try using a small vibrator on her clitoris while you thrust to boost sensation and pleasure. As she becomes more aroused her vaginal walls will tighten, making sex more pleasurable for you, too.”
Skip the lube
The one thing you shouldn’t keep in your sex arsenal? Lube. “If she is naturally well lubricated, don’t add more. A little friction will increase sensation,” explains Fleming. However, be advised that if she’s dry, penetration may feel uncomfortable regardless of size. So you’ll want to focus on turning her on and getting her juices flowing before you start bumping and grinding.
Have her put her legs up
If getting deeper inside her is what you crave, ask her to put her legs over your shoulders in the missionary position. “This allows for greater sensation and pleasure, notes Manischewitz. You can also try having her lay with her butt on the edge of the bed or couch, legs up.
“When you enter her in this position it can maximize what you’ve got,” says Levine, adding “you basically want vaginal access without obstruction of other body parts.”
Let her climb on top
Another position worth trying is woman-on-top. “It’s one of the best strategies for a guy with a smaller penis, as it allows the woman to maximize her partner’s length and position him in a way that feels good to her,” explains Levine. “It also gives you (or her!) the ability to stimulate her clitoris which is often needed to reach the big O.”
To make sure you don’t slip out as she’s ridin’ dirty, have her rock and grind against you, rather than move up and down, advises Fleming.
No matter what positions you decide to try, know that extending foreplay will make sex more enjoyable for you and your partner and not only because it builds arousal, which as Fleming explains, is key to having more intense orgasms.
If you’re self-conscious about your size or your ability to please a woman, fooling around (and bringing her to orgasm) before going all the way can help take the pressure off during the main event.