My name is Tessy and I have a very problem which I hope your readers would help me out before I run out of my mind. Many people have told me it is a spiritual problem that requires special deliverance but I want to believe that I am far too gone to be redeemed because it has become a part of me.
I am not ashamed to say that I am a lesbian and I have been for the most part of my life. I did not wake up one day and decide that I wanted to be a lesbian but it all happened when I gained admission into an all girls’ secondary school as a 10-year-old girl.
I was this young, fresh and very pretty girl that most of the senior girls scrambled to become my school mothers. They feted me and made sure I was pampered to no end. I was everyone’s favourite girl and at the end of the scramble, I ended up with the head girl, Senior Tara. I quickly become her favourite and slept in her bed, ate with her, had my bath with her and she practically mothered me.
Then one night, she introduced me into the world of lesbianism. While I slept, I felt hands over my naked and supple body. I had not taken off my clothes while going to bed but I woke up to find that I was naked and Senior Tara had her hands all over me, while kissing me deeply in my mouth. I was both shocked and confused but uncannily, I was enjoying the sensation she was creating in me.
Needless to say, it became a daily routine and as time went on, she would invite some of her close friends and together, they would abuse me to no end. I could not tell anyone what I was going through, not even my older sister who was also in the school.
I lived that life till Senior Tara passed out of the school and handed me over to the new head girl who continued the abuse. Tara would also come visiting and we picked up where we stopped. All through my secondary school and university days, I so much enjoyed making love with fellow girls that I hated even the sight of men.
I did try one or two relationships but none worked for me because of my orientation. I have lived all my life as a lesbian but now, things are about to change but I do not know how to go about it.
My parents want me to get married to the son of their friend, Dre, who was born and brought up in England. Dre’s parents had vowed that he was not going to marry a white woman and chose me due to the friendship that exist between our families.
Dre is a very nice guy, loving, easy going and would be a very good husband for the right woman but I doubt if that woman is me. We have dated on and off with no sex because every time he brings that up, I recoil and dread being touched by a man.
Now, my problem is: should I go ahead and marry Dre or just live my life as a lesbian? It will kill my parents if they ever get to know that their last daughter is a lesbian, though.