How many of you broke up with someone or split up with someone and think that you may have made a huge mistake? The real question is: How do you know? Maybe the one that got away is really the one that got away, but maybe you’re just being impatient and romanticizing your past relationship.
It’s possible that you’re simply lonely and are clinging to the last meaningful relationship you had, but what if you aren’t? What if the one you let go was the one you should have been with?
What if that person is the best thing that will ever happen to you? Should you go back to him or her, ask for forgiveness and try your very best to become a part of his or her life once again?
Well, that last part I can’t tell you. However, what I can help you with is figuring out whether your imagination is simply running wild or whether you should never have let this person go.
1. You basically still think about this person every day.
Maybe not literally every single day of the week – that would be obsession – but if most days you find him or her slipping into mind, then you clearly made a bad move by walking away.
In order for a person to present himself or herself to your consciousness so regularly, he or she must have had a tremendous impact on the person you are today.
In a way, this person is a part of you. If the thoughts are followed with pleasant feelings, then he or she must be a good part of you.
2. You have yet to meet another person you are more impressed with in your life.
I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world who compares every single new candidate to the one who meant most to me. If it’s difficult to find someone who can compare then you may be… screwed.
You may think this a bit shallow, but I don’t believe it’s possible for anyone to be happy with an individual he or she believes to be less impressive than a previous partner. I don’t just mean impressive on paper, but impressive personally. Being with anyone who falls short would be settling.
3. You have never loved anyone more deeply or intensely, even if you did love again.
Each time we love, we love a little differently – sometimes very much differently. Many of us are lucky enough to fall in love more than once in our lives, each time bringing slightly different tints of the same feelings.
The thing about love is that it’s more of a drug than anything else. It literally releases the feel-good chemicals in our brains that many synthetic drugs target.
You become addicted to it, and like a drug, our best high is always the most memorable. And we’ll always be searching for that very same high – or higher.
4. This person makes up much of the person you are now.
Some people come into our lives and leave a lasting impression. Some lovers influence our lives in ways that can be almost frightening when realized.
If you find yourself performing certain behaviors – whether it’s grooming, style of clothing, organizing things in a certain way, etc. – because you know that this person would have liked it that way, then you should never have let him or her go.
If you find that you have come to like these same things that same, certain way, then the truth is that you never really let this person go.
5. If this person needed you, you’d drop everything to help.
This one is often a dead giveaway. For you to be willing to drop everything that you’re doing in order to help him or her when he or she really needs it, you still care an incredible amount. How many people can you say you really care about?
Better yet, how many people would you drop everything for – leave the country for, risk losing your job for, risk pissing off your current partner for? Probably not many. Caring is the only thing that gives life meaning.
6. Your life was never better without this person than it was with him or her.
Sure, we all have (hopefully) many great memories in our lifetimes. Yet, there are certain types of memories that are not only pertinent to the situation you may have found yourself in, but also the most important memories people usually have: those involving other individuals.
If the best memories you’ve created involved the person you split up with, then I think you know you made a poor decision. In the end, you only have your memories… the more great ones, the better.
7. Every time you think of this person, you manage a smile, followed by a wave of deep-seeded sadness.
Smiling is being happy, and being happy is the goal of life. If thinking about a person you let go always brings a smile to your face, you literally drove happiness out of your life.
Now you’re stuck with the sort of happiness that only leaves you feeling like sh*t afterwards – the sort of brief happiness that reminds you of what you lost, or rather, gave away. If you let go of the one then you will likely experience this oxymoronic happiness for a long time.
8. You believe that this person is better than you.
I often think that the right person for us is the person we find to be a better person than ourselves. This person is what we aren’t – what we can’t be or can only strive to become. How can you fall out of love with a person whom you believe to be better than you in so many ways?
Not necessarily every way, but enough ways to keep you in constant awe. I’m not sure it’s possible to stop loving such a person; he or she is a step closer to perfection – an imaginary ideal every human strives for in some way or another.
9. Although you know it’s too late, there’s something in your gut telling you that you wished it weren’t.
You may not like to admit you wish it weren’t too late to try again – and since you’ve read this far, I’d like to wager that this includes you – but you feel this tension in your gut, as if struggling to convince yourself of your own lie.
Sometimes you need to be honest with yourself and admit that you made a bad decision – it’s always best to be honest with yourself. Although, I should warn you that admitting you shouldn’t have let this person go won’t get him or her back.
It may not be too late for the two of you, but it also may very well be. If you admit to yourself that you still love him or her and understand that the ship has sailed then be prepared to hurt and to do so quietly.
The best thing you can do to show this person you love him or her, in this case, is to allow him or her to live life in peace.
By Paul Hudson